the perceptions of a 3-year-old

Yesterday evening, Kyle came downstairs to visit with his dad and I; he should have been sound asleep. This is what followed:

Kyle, calmly: I'm getting kind of disturbed in my room.
Dad: Why's that?
Kyle: Because. I keep hearing what sounds like chickens?
Dad: Really....?
Kyle: Yeah.
Dad: Do they sound like "chirp chirp chirp"?
Kyle: No, they sound like "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!!!!!"
Dad: Ok...
Kyle: And they're on all the chimneys.
Dad, stifling laughter: Ok, well, it's time to go up to bed now. You can turn on your CD to help drown out the chickens...


And then last night at 3:45 AM, Kyle came bursting into our room, very upset. He must've been really agitated because I went to turn on my lamp, which I don't usually do when he comes in at night.

This move brought on screams of horror-movie quality. He really let loose. I thought he had a mouse in his hair or something! Talk about adrenaline ~ my heart was really going after that.

It turns out that when he saw my arm reach for the lamp, he thought there was something flying. It really scared him; he even mentioned that it was going to get Ben. After Jeff got him calmed down a bit, the three of us lay there, trying to return to normal breathing. Then we heard a soft knock on our door. It was Ben, and we called him in.

Me: Come in, honey. Was that loud? Did you the noise scare you?
Ben saunters over to my side of the bed, glancing around casually.
Me: That was pretty loud, huh? The noise?
Ben, wide awake, calmly: What noise?

At this point Jeff and I just lost it. The thought that he hadn't noticed the blood-curdling screams, when his door and our door were opened was just too funny. Besides, we had more than a bit of built-up tension from the incident we'd just endured. It took me some time to get my giggles under control, I just couldn't stop....

I'm sure the screams did wake him up, but that he just didn't consciously hear and remember them.

After getting the boys resettled, we received a few more visits from Kyle, who announced that he was "feeling startled." The night ended with both Ben and Kyle bringing their sleeping bags & pillows into our room and camping out next to the bed.

It was the only way Jeff and I could hope to get any more sleep!

someone to watch over me

Our imaginative Kyle seems a bit less fearful these days, with one glaring caveat: he doesn't like to be alone. He refuses to go up to his room if no one else will be upstairs with him. He hates to be left downstairs if he'll be by his lonesome there. It usually isn't a problem; I don't mind him joining me while I change Owen's diaper, nor do I argue if he asks to bring his clothes downstairs and get dressed near me while I fix breakfast.

It is a problem, however, during quiet time and bedtime. Oh, bedtime is fairly peaceful...until Benjamin falls asleep. They share a room, you see (sometimes a blessing and sometimes a headache), and Kyle will stay in his room happily enough these days...until his big brother falls asleep. And Ben almost always falls asleep first. Then Kyle comes down the stairs, tired, cross, and, of course, scared. He says that he doesn't want to be up there if Ben won't open his eyes, he needs a "gwown-up" to be with him. Two nights ago we gave him hugs and convinced him to go back upstairs to bed. A few minutes later we heard him screaming at his brother "Ben, wake up! Wake up, Ben! I'm scared!" Poor Benjamin did wake up, completely startled and confused. Oh, the joy of sharing a room with a three-year-old...

And quiet time? Well, the last few days Kyle has been taking comfort in a companion of a different sort: our cat, Cassie. Kyle had been pretty indifferent to the cat until just recently, but now he has decided that she is sufficient company when he's out of options. So at naptime, quiet time, he insists that she be with him, and only then will he curl up and sleep. On Mommy & Daddy's bed, no less.

But hey, at least he's sleeping.

fear itself

Our middle child, our passionate one, has lately been struggling with fearfulness. We are going on our fifth night since the dramatics began. It started on Monday night, when Kyle woke us up, time after time. He just would not rest by himself. Jeff laid with him for a while, but eventually he needed to get up and prepare for work (the poor man's alarm clock goes off at 4:30 AM). That day during quiet time (our word for "it's naptime, but since I can't force you to sleep, and am unwilling to lay with you for two hours, you must at least spend some time playing in your room") he had a hard time, though I didn't think much of it.

But it's become apparent that he is sincerely afraid. And of what? At first he was talking of monsters, but the past two days the main source of his apprehension has been....(da-da-da-DA!)... spy mosquitoes. I confess I have no idea where this concept was born. It seems completely absurd, yet to him it is a real problem, and apparently a very scary one.

He is loathe to be in his room by himself, and even Benjamin's presence in their shared room often isn't enough to help. One can imagine how this could become a problem: at quiet time, at bedtime. And it isn't just related to his bedroom; he doesn't want to be left alone downstairs, either. If Jeff is at work, Ben is at school, and I need to go upstairs with Owen for a minute, Kyle declares that he must accompany us. Yesterday morning he even insisted on coming with me, from the living room to the kitchen, when I went to get a drink of water. So, we're having quite a bit of togetherness these days. He did sleep in his room yesterday afternoon, but ended his quiet time with terrified screaming, and when I went to him, his heart was pounding. He was really, truly frightened.

We talk to him about God, and how he can pray anytime, tell God he is scared, or happy, or anything. We sing "God is bigger than the boogeyman..." and watch VeggieTales' "Where's God When I'm S-s-scared?" video. We pray for him, with him, hoping that he will feel covered by God's presence, that he will "lay down and sleep in peace." (Psalm 4:8)

So far, it doesn't seem to be helping much. He walked around all morning yesterday, looking distressed and saying things like "I wish I could fly up to heaven to be with Jesus." I kept telling him that Jesus is with us, right here, right now. I said that it wasn't his time to go to heaven yet, but that the great thing (well, one of them) about God is that He is with us all the time, and that He takes care of us. I hope Kyle will believe me, but so far it's still pretty tenuous. He seems certain that his only hope is to fly up to heaven, to be with Jesus.

I've struggled with fear at times, too. Sometimes I have been nearly paralyzed by it. After I lost my baby in January 2007, I had a really hard time with my next pregnancy, Owen's pregnancy. I had to continually take my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), remembering that all of us are in the Lord's hands, and that He alone knows "all the days ordained for me," or my baby. I made Philippans 4:6-7 my focus, posting the passage up around my house, so I would have constant reminders of the truth.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Little Kyle, he feels things so deeply, and has such a hard time believing that the way to banish his fears is so simple. I'll be praying with him, and for him, that he will continually take his worries to the Lord, and might experience that amazing peace, the peace which passes understanding.