an autumn tradition

'twas a circus theme this year

"lost" in the corn maze

my first rodeo

 Yes, it was my very first.  I don't know how I had lived this long without ever attending a rodeo before, but there it is.  Last week we loaded up the family and headed for the Pendleton Round-Up, a well-known annual event held in eastern Oregon.

We hauled my in-laws' travel trailer along for a place to stay, and they joined us the next day.  My husband's grandparents also came along.

And how was it?  It was exciting!  There were cowboys, cowgirls, Indians, horses...

...bulls, steers, and much more.

 I prefer him to any cowboy, thankyouverymuch.

Our gang (or most of it).

It was a long afternoon for some of the younger kids, but our older boys absolutely loved it!  I'm thankful for the chance to have had this adventure.

I'll leave you with this image of an Indian (they called them Indians at the rodeo, not Native Americans...don't blame me!) bearing the beautiful American flag.  I found it a touching sight.

God bless America!

reunion

what we saw on Friday afternoon

Yes, we're waiting to learn baby's gender until the birth...again. 

Things are about to get weird.

A few days ago my brave and amazing in-laws made a proposal.  They were taking a road trip to Canada (my mother-in-law grew up in Alberta), and they wanted to take their four oldest grandchildren along.

Those would be my kids.  

Oh, and guess what?  Said trip would be for a week and a half.  That's right, 10 days.  And they were leaving on Sunday.  

It took a while for my brain to stop reeling, but once it did my husband and I talked it over and decided to grant our permission.  This was an incredible opportunity, and adventure in the making...how could we deny them the chance?  So we made lists.  We did laundry, we went to the store, and we packed and packed and packed.  

And then, this morning, they left.  Four big chunks of my heart climbed into a Honda and headed for the border.  

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a bit wrenching.  I trust Jeff's parents completely, but this is a long distance and a long time.  I drove home feeling rather bereft.  

But then I started to clean.  

I vacuumed the downstairs.  I mopped the kitchen and dining room floor, loving the shine.  I cleaned one bathroom and tidied another.  I picked up Dora accessories off of my daughter's bedroom floor.  

You should know, cleaning is not a natural reaction for me.  It is by no means a default.  But with the four oldest of my brood away, I jumped at the chance to clean and...well, and to have my home stay clean for a while.  At least for it to have a fighting chance.

Isn't my floor pretty?

For the record, I still have this fellow to keep me company.  So there is good reason to doubt that the house will stay tidy for long, really.  Remember THIS POST?

But his sparkling personality, blossoming verbal skills, and toddler tendencies are certain to keep my life interesting for the next 10 days.  It'll be like 2004 all over again, just me and my 19-month-old.  We'll go on walks, attend story time at the library, and have our own kind of adventures together.  It'll be different - it'll definitely be weird (for both of us, I'd wager), but it will be fun.

Still, four huge pieces of my heart are far, far away tonight...dreaming of adventure.

how I became a mother of five

My husband and I have a larger family than I ever dreamed.

Back when we were dating, we had the talk.  You know: the one about family size.  How many kids did I want?  Two...maybe three.  But my husband?  He wanted six.   Yes, six.  I wrote him off as a little crazy and decided that I ought to be able to have the final say because, after all, I was the mama.

I really was pretty meek and mild, but on this I was firm.  I wasn't having any six children.

The summer I was pregnant with our third son, we talked a lot about whether or not we were "done."  I was feeling finished, and I thought Jeff was on the same page.  Still, after our little one was born, my husband didn't have peace about closing the door on more children.   So we waited and talked, and talked some more.  I must admit, I was a little annoyed.  I thought we'd had a deal.  I thought, "Okay, we've had three healthy, gorgeous kids.  We've had the births we wanted - safe, perfect waterbirths.  Let's stop while we're ahead."  Besides, our house was feeling a little crowded with three boys under the roof.

But my husband didn't have peace about it.  So we waited.

And you know what?   The Lord completely changed my heart.  It's true, and do you know how I know it was the Lord?  Because I never, ever would have chosen this way of my own accord.  I wanted things neat and tidy, easy to manage.  I wanted things wrapped up in a neat little bow.  Three kids. Three bedrooms.  The minivan.  No extra chairs needed at the dining room table.  Convenient.

But He did, He changed my heart.  It was a complete 180. And when I decided to let Him call the shots, and to respect the way He was leading my husband, I had the most tremendous peace about adding more children to my family.

If they weren't all healthy?  That would be alright.  If we ended up having a less-than-perfect birth experience?  We would be okay.   And bedroom arrangements, we would figure those out too.

So we opened up to the idea of God growing our little family.   We let go of that control, we relinquished some of our preferences.  We opened our hands and our hearts to receive what He might give us. I experienced so much joy at that letting go!  There were times of anxiety and nervousness, but we believed God would be faithful; He would lead us.

Since that time we gave been blessed with a perfectly delightful daughter and a dimpled son who is absolutely bursting with charm.  They are gifts to our family.  They bring us joy every day.  Of course they stretch us.  Of course there are times when things are hard.  But they are worth it.

God has been faithful to us on this journey.  He has provided us with a spacious home - but we would be fine if He hadn't.  He has graciously allowed us to experience two more beautiful home waterbirths - but if that wasn't to be, we would have coped.  He has provided.  We don't know what the future holds, but we do know this: He is faithful.  He gives grace daily to parent this little brood He's given us.

It's not always neat.   It's not always tidy.  Yes, there's more laundry and we go through more food than some families.  I am regularly amazed at how often I run the dishwasher.  And I often play the single parent when my husband serves in church on Sunday mornings and sometimes manage five bedtimes (not to mention baths) all by myself.  But I've learned how to do what needs to be done.   With God's help, with God's grace, you figure it out.

It's not always convenient, or neat, or tidy.  But this is our family.  These are our children - our beautiful, amazing blessings from above.  And they are worth it.

Owen's Birth Story

In honor of my sweet son's 5th birthday, I thought I'd post the account of his birth.  All of my babies have been born well past their estimated due dates, but with Owen it was by far the longest.  Still, he was well worth the wait!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Owen Daniel's Birth Story
March 8, 2008

On Thursday, March 6, I was feeling very emotional and overwhelmed
because I was so ready to meet my baby, and he hadn't been ready to come
yet. That afternoon I had a prenatal appointment with my midwife.
Everything looked beautiful with the baby. After a short discussion I
decided to have her sweep my membranes. It was uncomfortable and a
little painful, but not too bad Eventually appointment ended, and
throughout the evening I had a bit of cramping and spotting (expected
after having membranes swept).

The next day was pretty quiet and normal. I continued to have a slight
amount of spotting from the procedure the day before. Late that
afternoon my husband and I enjoyed some adult time while our two boys
watched a video downstairs. As soon as we were done, I started having
crampy contractions, about every 3-7 minutes apart. These continued
through the evening. My husband and I watched a movie, and I kept timing
them all the way through. About 9pm I looked at my husband and said "I
think we'll be calling Esme [our midwife] tonight!" We had planned a
home waterbirth, so my husband pulled out the tub and got things prepared. We
had previously had several false alarms, so we wanted to be absolutely
sure before we called for the birth team to come to the house.

We decided to go upstairs and try to sleep, but the contractions were
getting stronger now, and between that and the excitement, we both
realized that we would not be sleeping any time soon. We went back
downstairs and sat on the couch. I had heard about how kissing can help
with relaxation and dilation during labor, so we sat on the couch and
started to kiss. After smooching through several contraction, I felt a
strange sensation in my belly. My husband had been touching my belly,
and he felt it too. It didn't occur to me what it was until I felt a
small spurt of wet warmth between my legs, a minute or so later. I said
"I think that might have been my water breaking! It did feel like a kind
of ‘pop'!" This was about 10:20pm. We called the midwife to let her know
what was going on, and she said it sounded like it was early, and left
it to us to call when we wanted the birth team to come. About 25 minutes
later, I had been sitting on my birthing ball, and when I started to
stand up, I felt a trickle down both my legs...and then there was the
undeniable sound of fluid dribbling onto the floor beneath me. Then we
knew, this was really it!

My husband started filling the birthing tub. I was walking around,
getting things ready and checking email. When a contraction would come,
I would find something (kitchen counter, dining room table, my husband)
to lean on. It helped to brace myself and lean with my forearms on a
firm surface. Around 11pm we decided to call and have the birth team
come. The birth team included my midwife Esme as well as two midwife
apprentices, Rebecca and Tarrin. We also called my in-laws, who were
coming to help out and be responsible for our two older boys. We told
everyone it was not urgent yet, but that they should start heading our way.

Everyone arrived at about the same time, around 12:30am. I was still
able to smile & laugh, but during contractions I would find someplace to
lean and concentrate on breathing through the rushes.

My in-laws went upstairs to try to get some sleep, and the birth team
stayed in the background, letting us do our own thing (which worked so
well for us in my previous labor) and coming to check baby's heartrate
regularly.

Around 1am I got in the birthing tub. The warm water felt great, and the
pain of the contractions was lessened a lot after I got settled. After a
while my husband got in, too, and we experimented with different
positions. Pretty soon things started to get much more intense. We tried
kissing through some of the contractions, and that really did help for a
while. I tried to focus on relaxing my whole body, and taking deep
breaths helped me to do that. Another tactic for this labor was making
low, moaning sounds. I think that helped to loosen things up "down
under" and also it gave me something to concentrate on.

The next few hours are a little blurry in my memory. The contractions
got really intense, and we both were feeling so tired. I sat leaning
back against my husband's chest, and we would just be really quiet in
between contractions. My poor husband kept drifting off to sleep, and
his chin would bonk me on the head, at which point he would say "Oh, I'm
so sorry!" That was actually pretty funny, he was so remorseful.

I was starting to feel like it was getting hard to handle the
contractions. Then there came a contraction that felt a little
different. I wasn't positive, but I thought "Was I just feeling a little
pushy there?" And without my mentioning it out loud, my husband asked
"Did you just get the urge to push?" I told him that I thought I had,
but I wasn't sure. He called for Esme to come, and I asked to be
checked. I had not been checked before I started pushing during my
previous labor, but for some reason this time I wanted the confirmation
of being complete. Rebecca checked me and said that she couldn't feel my
cervix at all, and the baby's head was "right there." Whenever I felt
ready, it was okay to push.

So I got up on my knees, leaned on the edge of the tub, and got started.
Right away I remembered how much I detest pushing! And this time it
seemed really intense and scary to me. I had torn with both my other
labors, and I just felt sure that I was going to tear again. Still, I
tried to take it easy and listen to my body. I had always wondered if I
just pushed with too much gusto those other times, and that if I had
taken it a little more slowly and let the tissues stretch, it might have
been better.

My dear husband kept saying "Push to the point of comfort, push as long
as it's comfortable." This is something that we had learned in a Bradley Method childbirth class we'd taken during my first pregnancy. It really bothered me, although for a while I couldn't find the words or energy to say anything to him. Finally I said, with my teeth gritted a bit, "I wish you'd stop talking about it being comfortable." There was nothing comfortable about this pushing business!

The last few pushes were really scary for me. I could feel the baby moving down, and I could feel him crowning, or almost crowning-- that might be more accurate. Then I would run out of steam, or courage, or contraction, and the head would scootch back a bit. I knew this was normal but I really, really wanted to be finished pushing! Finally after two contractions like that, I managed to just pant after the contraction ended, and the head stayed forward. The next time I pushed, my husband said the head was starting to come out, so I bore down, gave it all I had, and at 4:08am, with one savage holler, my son was born!

His dad caught him, the birth team helped me turn over so I could meet him. My dear, sweet husband handed him to me, and we sat close as we sang the lullaby we have sung all of our babies in the moments after their births. The first stanza goes,

"Baby boy fusses, baby boy laughs
The Angel who watches says 'Hey, look at that,'
There's your faith, the mountains will shake
'Cause God gladly bends just to hear baby boy when he prays..."
(adapted from a song Rich Mullins wrote for a girl named Madeline)

compare and contrast

The last weekend of January was quite a contrast to February's first.  Although I suppose they did have some similarities, which might be found if one looks intently.  Shall we peer a little closer?

The former...
...followed a hectic week of school, which often seemed to morph into some scene which might have been included in "Lord of the Flies."

The latter...
...followed a trying week of a virus working its way, through our family.   High fevers, dizziness, lack of appetite, lethargy.

The former...
...involved catching up on laundry so as to be well-packed for the grandparents' house.

The latter...
...involved extra loads of laundry so as to rid blankets, pillows and pajamas of any and all germs.

The former...
...found my husband and I spending lavish amounts of time together, holding hands.

The latter...
...found us with a strict "fold your hands when we pray - no touching anyone's hands whatsoever before you eat!" policy when we said grace at mealtime.

The former...
...included a scrumptious brunch in a lovely old restaurant.

The latter...
...included my husband's decision to stay home from our church's monthly Men's Breakfast after being up several hours on Friday night with not one, but two of our brood.

The former...
...found Jeff and I with with racing pulses.

The latter
...found Jeff and I taking temperatures.

The former...
...involved an adult-choice movie while we ate a light meal of popcorn, apples, cheese and spinach dip.

The latter..
...involved an impromptu Muppet Show DVD while we noshed on take-out from one of our favorite local joints, because Mama was too wiped out to work in the kitchen.

The former...
...was an almost Just Us time, full of dreams and laughter.

The latter...
...was a time of family bonding, tenderness and solidarity - even if we didn't hold hands.

The former...
...was an absolute God-send, a wonderful time of rest and rejuvenation.

The latter...
...was a time when I was profoundly thankful for the Lord's provision in allowing me that rest.

~~~~~

You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

² 

You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ 

You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ 

Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

⁵ 

You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

⁶ 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

                      ~Psalm 139: 1-6

the weekend past

Ah, 'twas a lovely weekend.

It involved...

...a dinner for two which ended with sharing an utterly scrumptious slice of Raspberry White Chocolate Truffle cheesecake.

...kissing our four oldest darlings and wishing them a great two days with their grandparents.

...reminiscing, planning and dreaming with my husband.

...sleeping in until 7:15 AM.  Such an incredibly rare treat!

...an absolutely perfect brunch out with two of my favorite guys in the world.

...a very fun outing to IKEA, during which our unpredictable 13-month-old behaved himself completely.

...a relaxing afternoon at home with the house (almost) to myself.

...a little writing time.

...an early bedtime for young sir.

...movie, snacks and snuggles on the couch.

...a hot bath with candlelight and a glass of wine.

...two nights of stellar sleep.

...quiet mornings with my man.

{I adore my children, but weekends like this feed my spirit. There's truly something to be said for relaxation and rest!  Especially during the cold, gray days of January...}

He eats! He sleeps!

Our little boy is growing up.

Just one short month ago, we could find nothing to entice him at dinnertime.  Not at breakfast or lunch either for that matter.  Food off of our own plates?  Not interested.  Banana slices?  No, thanks.  Applesauce on a spoon?  How insulting.  And finger foods were merely an excuse for tactile experimentation.  

Our priority is to avoid feeding him grains until he's quite a bit older and will have an easier time digesting them.  And so, a few weeks ago I offered him a coconut flour pancake.  I'd given him coconut flour pancakes before, but this a different recipe.  An extra egg, a little vanilla mixed in.  To my surprise and utter delight, he loved it!  It was a definite turning point.

Since then we've had hits and misses, but he has definitely become more interested in "people food."  Coconut flour pancakes.  Almond flour cheddar crackers. I'm even letting him chew on some delicious fermented carrot sticks for the probiotic benefits. Life is so markedly different from how things were even three or four weeks ago.  We're all so pleased, and quite excited.  Our doctor had said at his 12-month check-up, to let her know if he still hadn't started eating better by 15 months or so.  It looks like Gabe's chosen age was 13 months. 

And on a related note...

He's finally sleeping better!  I don't know if I've shared here much about it, but Gabriel has been our worst  sleeper to date.  It had been months since he'd slept through the night (although he has done it before), and as of last autumn he was waking up 2 or 3 times each night.  I was pretty weary of it, though one's body does adapt.  Still, between that and the fact that nursing him supplied a good 95% of his daily nourishment...well, there seemed no end in sight.

But just over a week ago, out of the blue, he slept 10 1/2 hours one night.  Then he did it again.  And again.  The fourth night he woke up and cried, but I sent my husband in to cuddle him in my stead.  I'm happy to say that our sweet and spicy Gabriel is now about 11 days night weaned.  If he fusses at night, he gets Mr. Wonderful for a snuggle - and this mama stays in bed.  No more nursing him back to sleep!  We have closed up shop!  And he's doing very well.  I am one ecstatic girl, let me tell ya.

Things are looking up around here, people.  And I am incredibly, indescribably thankful!

I dreamed a dream

There was a time when our home was being built
The kids were so excited
The rooms were all clean
And each wall was a song
And the song was inviting
There was a time
But so much went wrong

I dreamed a dream of tidy playroom
Toys put away in their toy bins
I dreamed they'd play til sleep was nigh
And place things always on their shelves

But the children make a mess
And nobody ever wants to clean up
And the room isn't used to play
'Cause there are so many toys on the floo-oo-oo-oo-oor

We used to visit th' future home
We'd peek into each nook and crany
We oohed and aahed at the new toilets
The counters clear and nice and shiny

But the children leave stuff out
And there's toothpaste in the sink
Cups and brushes on the counter
And the toilets are not flu-u-u-shed

And still I dream they'll keep it clean
That they will learn to love things tidy
But it's a dream I fear won't be
That my daughters-in-law will despise me

'Cause my children, they are slobs
And they leave socks scattered all over
They forget to put away their shoes
And they turn my dreams to du-u-u-u-ust

I had a dream my home would be
So different from the miss I'm fighting
So different now from how it seemed

Daily life has killed the dream
I dreamed

a (somewhat) snowy day

The week before Christmas, we had a snowy day.

Well, sort of.  There was snow to be seen on the ground, anyway.  Not much, but enough.  Around these parts that's not something you take for granted.

So I did what any schedule-driven homeschooling mom would do.   I told the kids to set their books aside and go put on their now gear.

They had fun!  And my daughter got a chance to use her new pink snow overalls.

The aftermath: a pile of wet coats, hats, mittens, snow pants, and socks.  Not to mention boots; I'm sure there are boots somewhere under all of that.

Afterward we all had some rich, sweet hot chocolate...

...and then went on with our school day. It's strange to read "A Midsummer Night's Dream" while sipping hot chocolate by the fireplace in mid-December...

this Christmas

This year my husband and I hosted Christmas in our home.  It was fun, exhausting, and fulfilling.

The kids in their new pajamas.

Gabriel enjoying his new gift.

Mama/baby

It was fun to open up my home for such a special celebration!

Christmas candy: peanut brittle, peppermint patties, and cookie dough truffles.

Concord Grape Royal ':mocktail" (Alton Brown's recipe)

A (belated) Merry Christmas from my family to yours!