20 weeks (two weeks ago)

On July 15th, more than two weeks ago, Little Bean and I hit 20 weeks. That same afternoon, my 20-week ultrasound was scheduled. Jeff got to come with me, and we enjoyed a good, long peek at out little one. So, so cute!

That day was certainly an improvement to our last experience.

We are smitten, to say the least. We can hardly wait to meet this wee little person!

getting ahead of the gardens

(photo from mid-June)

It's so strange. Really strange, considering how I've been longing for summertime during the past few months. But lately, I've found myself looking expectantly toward autumn.

The truly bizarre thing is that we've had hardly any real summer weather where I live. It didn't really get warm and sunny until the first few days of July, and even those days have been rather few and far between. (And I know this won't endear me to those suffering from triple-digit temperatures in other parts of the country!) Largely we've had temperatures around 65 or 70*, and often gray skies, even rain.

But perhaps that's exactly the issue. Maybe all these cool days are bringing to mind the stunning beauty of an Oregon autumn.

Or maybe it's the fact that the clothing stores are transitioning to their fall lines. Or it could be the disenchantment I feel with my growing girth - it's feeling much less charming and much more tubby...and probably on some level I'd feel more comfortable layering on sweaters & corduroys than strolling around in tank tops and sundresses.

And yet... and yet, I still haven't tasted my first summer tomato, or sunk my teeth into a seasonal ear of corn. Last weekend marked our first ripe peaches from the farmers' market, and I am still entirely enthralled with the bounty of summer berries. And I can't resist hoping that the cucumber plants in our garden will produce something worth tasting, one of these days.

There's a lot of good stuff still coming.

So I'm going to relax and relish these days of summer. Flaky weather, retail shops, and weight gain? Forget them. I think I'll take my cues from the calendar and the garden and farmers' market instead.

And when I stumble across my first acorn squash out there, that's when I'll go dig out my sweaters and corduroys...

hello, stranger.

I know, I know. I've someone managed to take an extended blogging break. It was unplanned. And it doesn't necessarily represent any great shift in my life, or emotional struggle, or anything of the sort. First, I was uninspired. Then, I didn't want to mess with taking & uploading photos. Then, I was busy.

The busy part is the biggest issue for me at the moment. Maybe it's the fact that Elise is now down to one post-lunch nap, instead of two naps...? At any rate, it's all I can do most days to manage quiet time, laundry, and possibly an exercise routine. (On the subject of laundry: the good news is, I've finally found a routine which helps me to actually get laundry folded and put away the day I've washed it. The bad new is, this takes up potentially valuable writing time.) That, in addition to the near-constant succession of snacks which I feel obligated to make in order to feed "the masses," ...and, truth be told, pregnant little me. I like my goodies too, you know.

So here's what I can say at the moment: I miss blogging. I'm not exactly sure how I'll manage to do more of it at this point in my life, but I'll do my best. Fair enough?

Cool.

the last days of June

As June draws to a close, I feel a bit as though I'm in a desert. I am hungry, thirsty, and tired. My supplies are dwindling, and my eyes search the horizon for a sign of nourishment. Surely things will turn around...soon, soon.

The scene inside our chest freezer is bleak. We've eaten the ten chickens I bought from a friend last summer. Our 3/8 of a side of beef is gone - aside from a few organ meats I haven't been able to cope with just yet.

Outside, our garden is struggling. Some plants are doing well, but others long for sun and warmth, as do I. June has been cool and rainy here, and my tomato plants do not appreciate that fact. By and large, the garden is hanging in there, but there's not much that's ready for picking - yet.

I've spent my grocery budget for the month. Every penny. Last week I was scraping to buy produce. I wanted to buy a head of cauliflower, but couldn't quite manage it. I'd spent that money on strawberries, so I had to settle for something less expensive. Our fresh vegetable purchases last week consisted lettuce and a single cucumber. (We also had a stash of carrots.)

Yes, things are bleak. For the last few weeks, meals have been extra frugal, and often meatless, unfortunately. Thankfully, I still have some shredded, cooked chicken in the freezer, which I pull out for this and that. But all in all, the end of June is fairly stark.

Ah...but July is coming. July, when I will purchase a new batch (ten in all) of fresh, pastured chickens. July, when I'll get the call that our new order of grass-fed beef is ready to pick up. July, when the CSA program we're signed up for will begin. July, when summer will likely begin to feel like summer - for more than one or two days a week.

With any luck, July shall bring berries and vegetables, pastured meat, warmer temperatures, and sunshine.

So for now, we're buckling down and getting by. But July...ah, July. In July, we shall eat like kings.

a croc (or two)

Yes, my daughter now has her very own pair of crocs. Her brothers have them, and she greatly enjoys trying theirs on. So now, she has her own. In pink, lest she become confused as to whose are whose.

a thankless job

It has been said that motherhood is a "thankless job." In fact, I've been known to say it myself. And in many ways, it clearly is. With the notable exception of Mother's Day, we mothers largely launder clothes (and other assorted items), serve meals, tend scrapes, wipe noses, clean up messes, fix snacks, plan play dates,pack bags, chauffeur, and perform many other tasks for our families, without a single "thank you" from my children.

At least that's the way it often seems in my house. And as a woman whose main love language is "words of affirmation," it does bother me at times. It's not that I need to hear "You are fantastic!" Yet, a simple "I appreciate that" would be nice on occasion. I do hear it every blue moon, but by and large I go about my tasks as a mama apparently unappreciated.

But here's the thing: there's so much more to this motherhood thing than the thank yous. There are the impulsive hugs given with chubby little arms. There are the sticky grins, the healthy doctor visits, the emptied plates. There are the steps toward independence, and the times a child wants nothing more than to snuggle on his mama's lap. There are the successes, and the days when you see them learning to cope with their child-sized failures.

And there's the knowledge that God has willingly chosen you to be this child's mother. Even with all your issues, baggage, weaknesses, and vices. There's the knowing that you're doing your best.

And that even when your best not nearly good enough, you have been given all that you need to make it as a godly mother (2 Peter 1:3). His grace is sufficient!

One day, Lord willing, I'll hear the words "Well done," from the only One whose opinion ultimately matters.

the dawn of summer

Today is the first official day of summer.

And it even feels like it! High of 83* F, sunny, beautiful.

We had to get outside and soak up the rays for the pure joy of it, and the Vitamin D didn't hurt, either.

Summer, we bid you welcome!