the end of the story

Today I find myself reflecting on the Lord's followers.  The ones who watched in confusion and fear as their celebrated hero was betrayed, arrested, and hung on a cross to die.  They didn't understand, those men and women.  Those who were fishermen, tax collectors, and more.  They couldn't remember that He'd told them, warned them - of everything.  That He would be killed...and rise again on the third day.  They watched (those who could bear it), stunned, maybe even despairing.

And those days they spent in between.  Knowing He was dead.   Fearful of what might happen next.  Feeling abandoned and lost.

They didn't know what we know.  They couldn't comprehend the end of story - how beautiful would become their pain.  Let's revel in the fact that we know what was coming early that Sunday morning - and that we serve a risen Savior.

The world can do its worst.  The enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy may attack...but even so, it doesn't change the truth.  Jesus came to take our sins away.  He died a terrible death on a Roman cross, but three days later He conquered sin and death.  He is the victor, our savior and redeemer.

Have a blessed and wonder-filled Good Friday.

Mr. Chattypants

Here he is: Mr. Chattypants.

Much to our astonishment, our fifth child has been far more verbal, and that far earlier, than his siblings.  At 15 months he can name everyone in our family as well as the typical "hi," "bye," "ball" and such.  He can say "water," "cheese," "crackers" and other food words.  I can't even remember everything he says as I write this.  You'll just have to believe me when I say that never have we had a child speak so much, so early.

I'm pretty sure that this week he has even been using two-word sentences.  I took his brother to a friend's house to play today, and after Gabriel's morning nap we had a near-constant stream of "Where Kyle? Where Kyle?  Where Kyle?"

I have suspected for quite awhile that I had another sanguine on my hands.  The past year has only confirmed that suspicion - and I am thinking this is another evidence of it.    And while sanguines sport many wonderful and enviable personality traits...living with them in my home can be very wearing on this homebody-introvert.

And so...here we go.  This could be a very interesting toddlerhood!

egg hunt

pondering seasonal fashion

Ah, springtime.  This season is absolutely stunning in this part of the country.  Blossoms burst into bloom all over.  Bushes I barely glanced at through the winter are suddenly covered with petals.   Temperatures loosen up a bit - even if the rain doesn't.  We live from day to day not knowing if the day will feel warm, or if we will be ripped apart by the cruel East wind.

This is the time of year when I break out my brighter clothes.  After months of tending to wear darker hues, suddenly I feel like turquoise, coral, and deep, saturated pink.  I change my heavy coat for lighter jackets - even if the weather is still chilly, I feel like something different!  Occasionally, these days, I even find the need to slide on my sunglasses.  Oh happy day!

But one thing has me puzzled.  You see, I am new to the world of boot-wearing.  It's only been a few months since I stepped into my first real pair of adult boots (aside from the snow boots I rarely don, that is).  During the colder months I gained three (yes, three!) pairs of boots, and I have had so much fun experimenting with them.  Discovering which skirts and dresses they go with, and which combinations make me look dumpy.  Figuring out which looks I adore, and what I'm still too afraid to try (skinny jeans, anyone?).

So now I'm wondering: when is it time to pack those boots away?  They seem to be such a staple of cold-weather months, adding warm and protection from the elements.  But I am loving them, and...I've noticed that the women around me seem to still be wearing them all. the. time.   So where is the boundary?  Is it different depending on where one lives?  Does it depend on temperature or personal comfort, rather than the calendar?  I'm trying to work out what I think about this vitally important tissue!

When do you put away your boots?  After the first day of spring?  Just before Memorial Day?  Whenever you please, thankyouverymuch?  I would love to know; please share!

a first for my fifth

My fifth child had a first last week.

Remember this photo?

Well, with the help of a skillful friend, we did something about that.

 He was very stoic.

But before long he was all done!

His very first haircut.  How exciting is that?

Gabe looks so grown-up and handsome!

ready, set, party!

Owen had such a fun 5th birthday party!  He was able to  have five friends over (in addition to his siblings - who are a party waiting to happen) as well as Jeff's family.  We all enjoyed his Hot Wheels party.  It was a pleasure to celebrate one of the sweetest boys we know!

how I became a mother of five

My husband and I have a larger family than I ever dreamed.

Back when we were dating, we had the talk.  You know: the one about family size.  How many kids did I want?  Two...maybe three.  But my husband?  He wanted six.   Yes, six.  I wrote him off as a little crazy and decided that I ought to be able to have the final say because, after all, I was the mama.

I really was pretty meek and mild, but on this I was firm.  I wasn't having any six children.

The summer I was pregnant with our third son, we talked a lot about whether or not we were "done."  I was feeling finished, and I thought Jeff was on the same page.  Still, after our little one was born, my husband didn't have peace about closing the door on more children.   So we waited and talked, and talked some more.  I must admit, I was a little annoyed.  I thought we'd had a deal.  I thought, "Okay, we've had three healthy, gorgeous kids.  We've had the births we wanted - safe, perfect waterbirths.  Let's stop while we're ahead."  Besides, our house was feeling a little crowded with three boys under the roof.

But my husband didn't have peace about it.  So we waited.

And you know what?   The Lord completely changed my heart.  It's true, and do you know how I know it was the Lord?  Because I never, ever would have chosen this way of my own accord.  I wanted things neat and tidy, easy to manage.  I wanted things wrapped up in a neat little bow.  Three kids. Three bedrooms.  The minivan.  No extra chairs needed at the dining room table.  Convenient.

But He did, He changed my heart.  It was a complete 180. And when I decided to let Him call the shots, and to respect the way He was leading my husband, I had the most tremendous peace about adding more children to my family.

If they weren't all healthy?  That would be alright.  If we ended up having a less-than-perfect birth experience?  We would be okay.   And bedroom arrangements, we would figure those out too.

So we opened up to the idea of God growing our little family.   We let go of that control, we relinquished some of our preferences.  We opened our hands and our hearts to receive what He might give us. I experienced so much joy at that letting go!  There were times of anxiety and nervousness, but we believed God would be faithful; He would lead us.

Since that time we gave been blessed with a perfectly delightful daughter and a dimpled son who is absolutely bursting with charm.  They are gifts to our family.  They bring us joy every day.  Of course they stretch us.  Of course there are times when things are hard.  But they are worth it.

God has been faithful to us on this journey.  He has provided us with a spacious home - but we would be fine if He hadn't.  He has graciously allowed us to experience two more beautiful home waterbirths - but if that wasn't to be, we would have coped.  He has provided.  We don't know what the future holds, but we do know this: He is faithful.  He gives grace daily to parent this little brood He's given us.

It's not always neat.   It's not always tidy.  Yes, there's more laundry and we go through more food than some families.  I am regularly amazed at how often I run the dishwasher.  And I often play the single parent when my husband serves in church on Sunday mornings and sometimes manage five bedtimes (not to mention baths) all by myself.  But I've learned how to do what needs to be done.   With God's help, with God's grace, you figure it out.

It's not always convenient, or neat, or tidy.  But this is our family.  These are our children - our beautiful, amazing blessings from above.  And they are worth it.