Thursday, May 23, 2013

the dark ages

It's kind of the dark ages right now.

Here I am in the first trimester: too early to feel my baby move, and we haven't heard the heartbeat yet.  The first trimester always feels like a huge leap of faith to me; assuming all is well with my pregnancy - which can be difficult once you've lost a child.  Still, I'm trying to focus on positive things, and assume the best.  I do have an appointment with my midwife next week...hopefully we'll hear that beautiful sound soon.

After a stunningly beautiful few weeks in spring (unseasonably warm and bright) we've lapsed into cold, rainy weather again.  It's pretty normal for this time of year, but it's no fun after those gorgeous few weeks.    I did hear that yesterday was the coldest May 22nd in Portland history.  It's little wonder I caved and turned on the heat yesterday morning!

We are toiling to finish out our school year.  The biggest challenge is math - there are just so many lessons to complete!  I'm trying to decide how hard I need to push to get through them all; math lessons do build upon themselves of course, but it's the end of the year...and besides, we're changing our math curriculum for next year.  So maybe it isn't a huge deal at this point?  I'm not sure.  I tend to be a bit of a slave to my lesson plan,  but I hate that and I'm trying to be more cool...fluid...flexible.  Easy.  But it doesn't come easily to me, stick-in-the-mud that I am...

That's it, I guess.  And I know...this post is kind of blah.  But I suppose that's how I'm feeling: blah.    A little blue, a little weary, a little anxious.

Today I shall show myself some tender loving care: warm slippers, a cup of my favorite hot beverage by the fireplace, and taking things a little easier (except maybe for math).  Praise will be okay.   It's always dark before the dawn, right?


Jill Foley said...

hang in there Mindy! Praying for you.

I Am Not Superwoman said...

Praying for you, your family and baby Isom. Keep your head up and think good thoughts.