two of me

There are two of me...

One shops at Old Navy and the Gap outlet store... the other wears long flowing skirts, henna tattoos, and Birkenstocks.

One would love to travel...the other is a decided homebody.

One champions traditional foods and food prep methods...the other adores her food processor, stand mixer, and toaster oven.

One believes that spontaneous labor is almost always best...the other languished at the end of her last long pregnancy, trying every "natural" method possible to try to get things started.

One loves nearly everything about breastfeeding...the other almost always feels antsy to wean her baby at around a year.

One has sworn off refined sweeteners for herself...the other hasn't yet taken much of a stand for her kids' own health when we're away from home.

One is a planner by nature...the other has determined to leave her fertility in God's hands.

One would love to have a daughter someday...the other gets extremely upset when people offer sympathy for the fact that she has three healthy boys.

One loves having a clean house...the other much prefers blogging to cleaning...

Memorial

I would like to take a moment to say "thank you" to those who so bravely serve our country, willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. We hear so often that freedom isn't free, and it's true. I'm sure that there are innumerable details of which we remain unaware ~ both good and bad. But the fact is, these men and women are willing to lay down their lives for the United States of America, and her people. I cannot fathom what it must feel like to be in that position ~ but I'm grateful.

I never knew my Uncle Mike. He died in Vietnam, years before I was born. My father's only brother, he is known to me only secondhand. He was only one of so many who have fallen in battle, but he and I are connected. I will always remember my unknown Uncle Mike, my father's big brother.

So tonight I'm thankful for those who were willing to take the fall for me. May God bless America, and have mercy on us.

"Not me!" Monday

Yes! It's the moment you've all been waiting for. "Not me!" Monday is back yet again, as created, encouraged and endorsed by MckMama of My Charming Kids. For a refreshing read, as well as some breathtaking photos, hop on over to her blog today!

I always, always find it endearing when my 3-year-old sings "The Bare Necessities" (from the movie "Jungle Book") at the top of his lungs while clearing the table. Even if I am trying to listen to Pandora Radio.

I am absolutely not dying to learn how to make cheese. Nope. I mean, you can buy that stuff at any store...why would I be obsessed with making it in my own kitchen? Even if it is raw!

Speaking of dairy products, I was not tickled pink with my first attempt at making butter with my KitchenAid. It's a pretty lazy way to make butter, and using a churn is certainly more satisfying (and traditional!). I'm sure I wouldn't have been enamored by the rich yellow color, and savored every last drop of buttermilk it produced. But the buttermilk definitely did not make the pancakes we enjoyed this week the best! pancakes! ever!

I definitely did not attempt to give my 14-month-old his 2nd haircut ever (1st with clippers) solo, all the while hoping to hypnotize him into sitting still by putting on home video. I was also not charmed by his waving and saying "Hi-iiii!" to the film of Ben as a baby.

I totally do not think that 14-months old is a bewitching age.

If I had attempted to give my little guy a haircut without the aid of my husband, it certainly wouldn't have ended with me not being able to reach his neck, getting him out of his chair, and eventually chasing him around the living room on my knees, trying to "even things up a bit." No way. That would be kind of pathetic....

Following our hike last week, I absolutely, definitely, undeniably did not, in fact, turn the wrong way when I pulled out of the recreation area. And if I had, I certainly wouldn't have spent 15 minutes driving up the mountain before I realized what I had done. Nope, not me!

Speaking of our outdoorsy outing, a few minutes before our group set off down the path, I certainly wouldn't have been in the middle of changing Owen's diaper when a 5-year-old friend came to tell me that Kyle was hurt. I mean, I would never be caught outdoors, with a baby naked from the waist down, and another child wailing his heart out 20 feet away! But if I had, I'm sure I wouldn't have stood there for a second deciding how serious the cry sounded. Or then hefted the baby up, slapping the diaper over his privates as I hurried over to my scraped-up boy. Sure I would've taken precautions to prevent a situation like that...

Happy Monday!

counting blessings

This has been a really hard week.

The reality has hit, that our house is really back on the market. We're largely at the mercy of who wants to come see the house, and when. Thankfully, at this point we haven't had to leave at any very inconvenient (read: Nap!) times. Still, it's an emotional roller coaster.

Then, on Wednesday we learned that the house we'd planned to buy has a sale pending. And it seems like it hurts more than it should. Here's the thing: we had decided to make a commitment to this house. We'd examined it, resolved that it would work well for us, invested in it. We paid for an appraisal and two inspections. We took the boys to choose bedrooms, spent hours arranging furniture in our minds.

At the risk of offending (forgive me if that's you, please), I feel a bit like a jilted bride. I was ready to make a commitment, to build a home in this place, to take this thing on for years and years to come. So, knowing that that dream has gone up in smoke, without so much as a "by your leave," smarts. A lot.

We're so blessed to be in this position; we don't have to sell, we just want to. We're looking to "move up," and it's great that we're able to do that. And it's a great time to sell, if you happen to find a buyer who can get a good loan.

So although we've been feeling really sad this week, putting away our hopes and dreams for the present...I'm going to count my blessings.

¹⁶Be joyful always; ¹⁷pray continually; ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. -- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I'm thankful for...

• a healthy family
• beautiful, enthusiastic children
• a place to live
• a patient, loving, and fun husband
• Jeff's job
• the fact that both my parents and Jeff's parents are still married and in love
• watching Owen toddle
• Kyle's zest for life
  
• Ben's growing more accomplished in his reading
• the ability to buy and prepare whole foods for my family
• having a budget (yes, really)
• my church
• the friendships that have blossomed in my life
• the ever-present, undeserved love of Christ Jesus

I could go on, but I'll stop there. My goal is to keep my eyes on God's grace, press on, and remember that "all I have in [Him] is more than enough." (from the song "Enough" by Chris Tomlin)

social creatures?

I am kind of a social freak.

I mean, really. Making conversation has always tended to be a struggle for me ~ the cadence of what to say, and how to time it. When to ask questions, pursue the subject more, or let it drop. It all seems like this mysterious dance, and everyone else seems to know the steps except for me.

Me? I fake it.

I take what I've gleaned from conversations over the years ~ the awkward and the comfortable, chats I've observed or even experienced. I apply the mental notes I've taken on what works and what doesn't. I'm no expert yet, as a good many people can tell you. But I choose to believe that I'm getting better.

This tendency that I have, this social awkwardness, leads to some anxiety. If I'm going to a place where I know I'll be thrust into a conversation with people I don't know very well, I am seized with nerves during the hours leading up to it. Even if it's an event which I've been looking forward to....anxiety bubbles up in my heart while I'm getting ready.

Take, for example, a field trip my homeschooling co-op recently went on: a visit to the local Guide Dogs for the Blind center. I'd been excited about it, and so had the boys. But when the day came, I began to honestly wish we'd never signed up to go.

We went, of course. I rarely let this anxiety actually keep me home. And the field trip was good...aside from the fact that they put children six year old and under (which all of mine are!) in a little room, watching a video on a small TV screen, for the entirety of the trip. Bummer! No tour for us that day. At least we got to pet some dogs, at the end: a small plus.

And the morning of this week's hike, it happened again. The day looked promising in so many ways, but I was once again nearly overtaken by fear of the unknown. Who would be there? How would it be? How would my boys do? And with whom would I find myself in conversation?

It was fine, of course. I got to chat briefly with some ladies I really enjoy from the co-op, and there were some friends from church attending as well. Socially (and in most other respects, as well), it was a great time. I'm really glad we went.

And that's the way it ends up going, the majority of the time. And as for the other times? When the awkwardness is palpable, and I feel like I've made the biggest fool imaginable of myself?

Those are the breaks, I guess.

Do you struggle with the dance of polite conversation? How do you deal with this?

taking a hike

On Wednesday we got together with a group of friends, and had a hike. Well, it was more like a stroll, really...but I was more than okay with that. We haven't taken our kids hiking in a looooooong time, so it's best to break them in gently.

We went to a "recreation area" up the mountain, about 40 minutes away from here. It was stunning, and I have to say that the weather was just exquisite. What a gift!


Here's a photo of Ben and his friend Hailey. Aren't they sweet? They walked, holding hands like this, for quite a while.

Kyle checked out some fish at a spot where we could see under the river.

Hailey, Brooklyn, Kyle, and Benjamin

A little blurry (my apologizes!) but isn't it precious? Owen was such a good boy the entire time, and Hailey seemed to really enjoy pulling the wagon for me. What a helpful girl!

Except when Kyle decided to ride, too. That was a bit much even for her...

big brother

I just love watching my oldest son actively taking on the role of the big brother.

This week he's been helping Kyle with some of his schoolwork.

Need a sentence read aloud to you? Ben is on the job!

Benjamin loves it! And I'm so proud of him.