Wednesday, August 22, 2012
homeschooling: a little lost
Lately when I think I about homeschooling, I've been feeling a little lost. I feel that something needs to change, but it's difficult to say just what. Is it the schedule? The curriculum? Our attitudes? Possibly all of the above?
I spent a fair amount of last week in tears. What to do? Keep up the curriculum we have been doing? Make the frightening move of choosing something new? Three and a half years into this journey, the places where we are weak haunted me. Was it a matter of a child's individual pace? Or was I failing my son?
For a while my husband and I discussed trying some kind of web academy. There was a moment when we had pretty much decided to up pursue it for a year - and see. I won't lie; it sounded heavenly to me. But with a little more time and thought, it has become apparent that this is not where our path lies.
After much agonizing, we decided to make a bit of a change. I will still be using the Charlotte Mason method, but with a different curriculum: one which offers me, as the teacher, a bit more guidance and structure. Today I took the plunge and made my first step in this direction...I ordered a teacher's guide.
I feel trembly, but more secure in my footing. God has not released me from this thing, and I have no way of knowing if He ever will. So I'll keep on...stepping out in faith. Trusting that He will walk through it with us, praying that He will give me wisdom - and pick up the pieces when I do fail.
Pray for me in this. Teaching does not come easy to me, not even with the kids I love dearest in the world. Fitting in different learning styles, different paces and ages...I am still working it out as I go.
Scary? Yes. But it will be, I have to believe, so worth it in the end.
So...obedience. That's my plan. Obedience, and a lot of prayer.