homeschooling: meet me there

I've made no secret on this blog of the fact that homeschooling is not easy for me.  From the beginning I have tried to be honest about that - even as it chips away at my pride a little.  It's an ongoing struggle (challenge) for me, but I am blessed to be able to do it.  I am thankful for the freedom to do it.  I am incredibly grateful that my husband supports me in it the way that he does.  I don't mean to grumble or complain, and I hope I don't come off as pathetic and whiny.  I'm just trying to be real.

Schooling my children at home is something I believe God has asked me to do.  And so, though it's by far the harder road for me,  I am going to do it.   The idea of being out of His will is not worth it to me.  So I'm pressing on.

But here's the thing: I need to be on my knees.  I've recently been convicted (from several different sources, as it happens) that I may have been trying to do this under my own steam.  I'll ask for prayer now and again, but am I praying about it much?  Honestly, no.  That's embarrassing to admit, but there you go.  The sad truth.  No wonder it's such a struggle for me.

I don't mean to suggest that all this will be easy-as-pie if I pray about it.  I'm sure we'll have ups and downs,d ays when I start listing other options.

Still, in a way this feels like a turning point.  I've been brought to a place where I am convinced, at last, that I must plead with the Lord about this before I even leave my bedroom in the morning.  I must ask for help, I must commit it all to Him.  Because I finally know that unless I do that, I simply don't stand a chance.

How I long to enjoy this path where God has placed me.  How I want to see my children thrive.  I don't want us to merely survive a day or term or year...I want us to grow.  To grow in wisdom, in knowledge, in relationship, in our walk with Jesus, in our love for one another.  I so hope this coming year can be one we can look back on and say "Yeah, that was good stuff.  It was fun."  Wouldn't that be something?

But even if it is always a hard thing, even when the difficult days outweigh the fun ones, I will obey.  And I will commit it to Him; I don't want all this to be in vain.

So...I'm going to call on his name.  To remember that He has a plan for all this, and to know that he will be faithful to complete what he's begun.  I'm going to sing "Trust and Obey" to myself, and to trust that through the ups and downs, the times of triumph and the times of self-doubt...Jesus will meet me there.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.

                                                                             Psalm 127:1