uncertainty

It's hard to know what next week will look like.

Of course, that is generally the way it is in this life. We can plan, but only God knows what will be. We've been studying the book of James in my women's Bible study group, and this week we talked about this very thing.

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. James 4:13-17

Although last week we had high hopes for Ben to get into the charter school, this week we are no closer to that goal. A few days ago we were eagerly waiting for the phone call that would tell us for sure; now we're just hoping it works out. It's all up in the air at the moment, and I don't like it one bit.

But so many things in life are a question of timing. Whether the school will be able to work things out so that they have room for Benjamin -- the right time to buy a house or find a new job -- having children -- and yes, even when the school he's in now will close. Last week I was talking about how glad I suddenly was that we hadn't been able to find a place for Ben, so that he was available to go into the charter school. Now, I am weary with wondering how this will all play out. There are many details which would need to be worked out, first. Details over which I have no control.

It's been a stressful week. There have been stress-related headaches, stomachaches, and tantrums...and that's just talking about the adults! Both Jeff and I have felt a bit like we were a couple of bundles of nerves. I'm not sure why we've taken this situation so hard, but it has us feeling quite down, no doubt about it. You might say, "But, it's only kindergarten." Yes. But it's also our son.

And I admittedly don't do well with uncertainty. I am a planner, and I like to know. So, I'm sure there's a lesson intended for me in this. And I'm trying to relax my grip a bit, so I can really put this situation in the Lord's hands.

So: if it is the Lord's will, Benjamin will be accepted into the charter school. It certainly is what we're hoping for. But it won't be based on anything we do or don't do. It's all in His hands, according to His plan.

I know he has a place for my boy, a perfect plan all worked out. And I look forward to seeing what that is.