fear itself

Our middle child, our passionate one, has lately been struggling with fearfulness. We are going on our fifth night since the dramatics began. It started on Monday night, when Kyle woke us up, time after time. He just would not rest by himself. Jeff laid with him for a while, but eventually he needed to get up and prepare for work (the poor man's alarm clock goes off at 4:30 AM). That day during quiet time (our word for "it's naptime, but since I can't force you to sleep, and am unwilling to lay with you for two hours, you must at least spend some time playing in your room") he had a hard time, though I didn't think much of it.

But it's become apparent that he is sincerely afraid. And of what? At first he was talking of monsters, but the past two days the main source of his apprehension has been....(da-da-da-DA!)... spy mosquitoes. I confess I have no idea where this concept was born. It seems completely absurd, yet to him it is a real problem, and apparently a very scary one.

He is loathe to be in his room by himself, and even Benjamin's presence in their shared room often isn't enough to help. One can imagine how this could become a problem: at quiet time, at bedtime. And it isn't just related to his bedroom; he doesn't want to be left alone downstairs, either. If Jeff is at work, Ben is at school, and I need to go upstairs with Owen for a minute, Kyle declares that he must accompany us. Yesterday morning he even insisted on coming with me, from the living room to the kitchen, when I went to get a drink of water. So, we're having quite a bit of togetherness these days. He did sleep in his room yesterday afternoon, but ended his quiet time with terrified screaming, and when I went to him, his heart was pounding. He was really, truly frightened.

We talk to him about God, and how he can pray anytime, tell God he is scared, or happy, or anything. We sing "God is bigger than the boogeyman..." and watch VeggieTales' "Where's God When I'm S-s-scared?" video. We pray for him, with him, hoping that he will feel covered by God's presence, that he will "lay down and sleep in peace." (Psalm 4:8)

So far, it doesn't seem to be helping much. He walked around all morning yesterday, looking distressed and saying things like "I wish I could fly up to heaven to be with Jesus." I kept telling him that Jesus is with us, right here, right now. I said that it wasn't his time to go to heaven yet, but that the great thing (well, one of them) about God is that He is with us all the time, and that He takes care of us. I hope Kyle will believe me, but so far it's still pretty tenuous. He seems certain that his only hope is to fly up to heaven, to be with Jesus.

I've struggled with fear at times, too. Sometimes I have been nearly paralyzed by it. After I lost my baby in January 2007, I had a really hard time with my next pregnancy, Owen's pregnancy. I had to continually take my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), remembering that all of us are in the Lord's hands, and that He alone knows "all the days ordained for me," or my baby. I made Philippans 4:6-7 my focus, posting the passage up around my house, so I would have constant reminders of the truth.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Little Kyle, he feels things so deeply, and has such a hard time believing that the way to banish his fears is so simple. I'll be praying with him, and for him, that he will continually take his worries to the Lord, and might experience that amazing peace, the peace which passes understanding.