Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.
1 Unless the LORD builds the house,its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to [a] those he loves.
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had such a great morning this morning. Benjamin and Kyle diligently chose and performed their work. They sat calmly when they had their snack. Owen didn't insist on being in the middle of everything so physically today. The older boys did math, painting, paper cutting, book work, and then together we worked on making cookies for Bible study tonight. I was able to talk with Ben about fractions (this is 1 cup, this is a 1/2 cup...and explain what that means), and we all worked really nicely together. It was a really lovely morning.
And then? We left the house.
I was actually excited to go. For one thing, I love grocery shopping. I'm not quite sure why...possibly my fixation on food? the brightly-colored packages? the feeling of well-being and of securing goods for my family? Whatever the case, I do. And now that I'm focusing on foods that are nourishing, grocery shopping is even more fun for me. There are so many possibilities! Also, I'm really enjoying my cooking adventures in the kitchen these days, adventures which are made possibly largely through visits to the grocery store.
Plus, we'd had a great idea! The store we were going to is twenty minutes away, and because of Owen's nap, and other factors, we didn't end up leaving until really late in the morning. So? We decided to do lunch! I love eating at that particular store ~ it's a (mostly) natural foods store, and the deli is delicious.
The trouble started when my oldest son dropped his pizza on the floor. We hadn't even made it to the table yet. And although we got it cleaned up, and a store employee actually came and got us another slice, free of charge (they are so nice there! it is the friendliest store in town)...it was pretty much downhill from there.
"Inside voices," I reminded. "Please don't kick your brother." "Stay beside the cart, please." "Do NOT touch that display of glass bottles!" "I hear that Kyle is asking you to stop. Please listen to his words." "Walking feet!" It seemed that the 6-year-old was going a bit deaf, and the 3-year-old argued with every move I made, even more I finished making it.
And so, nearly three hours after we had left our home, we returned. We returned victorious, for we now had food. Fruit, vegetables, meat, coconut milk ice cream, eggs...all the essentials, and a few others. But I also came home with a gaping hole in my heart. Weary, cranky. Thinking that I would happily pack at least two of my children off with the highest bidder.
I hate feeling so upset with my kids. I despise being angry with them. But going to the grocery store with the three of them leaves me feeling like I've just completed an obstacle course.
They're young. Of course they're young. And they had been exceptionally well-behaved all morning. Maybe I expected too much of them. Maybe we took too long. All the same, I am not eager to take them shopping again anytime soon.
Upon our return home, the boys went upstairs for "quiet" time, and I sought out my Bible. The passage at the top is what I found. And I found myself thinking "I don't really feel very rewarded right now. I am not feeling much blessed at the moment." And I wondered how I will ever be able to run a simple errand if the Lord grants us a really full quiver.
And yet-- I suspect that this is the part where I am to remain steadfast and faithful. To place it all at His feet, and pray that He will make something beautiful out of what often seems like a mess. To ask that He grant me more patience, and less caring for what the lady in Aisle 7 thinks of me.
And to keep praying. Day and night. Praying that these little hooligans I've been entrusted with, these precious, tender hearts, will one day grow up to be strong men of God, loving husbands and fathers...a rich heritage to cherish.
Like arrows in the hands of a Warrior.
5 comments:
Wow! It sounds like you need a massage from your wonderful hubby tonight. Guess we're all bound to have days like that now and then but I hope they're few and far between. You have been blessed with bright, healthy, happy (for the most part), energetic boys...and did I mention adorable? Keeping looking up.
You're doing great, Mindy! Thanks for the reminder of where to look when our eyes are filled with our sometimes crazy lives.
ohhhh.... i've so been there... & sometimes it's just so stinking *embarrassing*! My HUGE 6yo son had a meltdown at the end of church the other day & i found it very... humbling :)
You are growing some impressive spiritual muscles that you will thank God for in years to come.
Your homeschool looks really neat. i hope you keep posting little snippets like that! ~ kinda fun to see what other moms are up to!
What a day! At least the morning went well. Perhaps as they get more used to the homeschool routine, they'll have less nervous energy later in the day?
I like your line about asking God to make something beautiful out of what often seems like a mess. The prayer of a busy mother.
Oh boy or is it oh boys! Don't be so hard on yourself. You are one awesome Mamma. Wished I could be a bit closer so I could help. The grocery store can sometimes bring out the worst in some folks and little boys especially. And don't worry about the lady in Aisle 7.
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