mothers and motherhood

This morning I read a great post at Frugal Granola. It addressed the fact that Mother's Day can be a very difficult day for many people, for a variety of reasons. A strained relationship with one's mother, missing a mother, the loss of a child, infertility...

I was reminded me of the time when Jeff and I wondered if we might ever be able to have children. Early in our marriage we were excited and full of dreams at the thought of becoming parents. Yet after more than two years of trying to conceive, it began to seem as though that were the impossible dream. I began to feel extremely awkward when I heard people discuss starting a family. And on Mother's Day, I felt like the odd woman out. I didn't want to rain on anyone's parade, but I was uncertain, inexperienced, and out of place. Empty.

I am so thankful that those days are long gone. Indeed, the Lord opened my womb, and we've since been given three beautiful boys and a precious child in heaven. But I hope I will never forget what it's like to linger on the outside looking in. I never want to forget the pain of (even temporary) infertility, and the slow dying of a lifetime of dreams. There are many people out in the world who are walking paths of grief and loss. I hope someone reaches out to them today.

I have been blessed with a kind, loving mother. She is sweet, considerate, and a whole lot of fun. She worked hard to see that my brother and I had what we needed. And though she is the soul of meekness, she has never hesitated to shoot straight with me when I needed it. Thank you, Mama. I love you!

My husband has also been blessed with a wonderful mother...and thus, I am twice blessed. My mother-in-law is an angel, and she is so generous with her time. She's also a wonderful listener, and very pragmatic, which I appreciate so much! Jeff and I are so thankful for her. What a blessing.

When I became a mother, I had a only vague idea of what to expect. I suppose I expected everything to run fairly smoothly, from infancy on, with an eternally orderly home, and laundry that put itself away. Obviously, that was not to be. Here in my home, I am constantly engaged in a struggle for order, cleanliness, and being caught up on all aspects of laundry. So many times I lose the battle, yet I keep reaching toward my goals...

The thing that motherhood has done, is changed me. Whereas before I might have been prone to seek the most efficient way, now I search for the best way. And although we hear this next concept so often that it almost seems to be a cliche, motherhood has taught me the art of self-sacrifice. Not that I have "arrived," because it is definitely a process. Still, I don't know of any occupation that requires quite so much dying to self. And that, of course, is what Christ calls us to.

²²You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

Today, I'm so thankful for the two women who have mothered me. They've shown me what it means to put marriage first, to serve their families, and to be continually molded into the kind of women God calls us to be. Thank you, Moms.

And I'd also like to say "thank you" to my children. Without them I would never be able to experience this wild, sticky, incomparable ride. I love you guys!